Depressed about being depressed.

I'm depressed about being depressed.
I'm too down to make myself feel better.
This frown is just weighing me down. I can't find
another hue, except for a darker, dismal blue. What can I do?

When feeling immobolized and paralysed I just can't find my paradise.
Even if I'm surrounded by palm trees, and a soothing sea breeze. I still
feel grounded and like no one wants me. I hate feeling sorry for myself.
I really need some help. The things I do to forget, are things most people
would regret. But at this point I feel there is nothing left.

My state of mind is all over the place. I hope I can find it intact and safe.
This feeling I wish on no other. Not a friend, not an enemy, not a brother.
If you could jump into my mind and body, you would feel so smothered.
It's like being enveloped in a cloud and you're mind sadly develops into a
shroud. Seeing, but not seeing, hearing, yet fearing, what others say. Even
though they might be cheering. It feels as if they're leering. From this state
of mind I wish to move away. The hate I find needs to end today.

Lil Crack Whore

Lil crack whore ain't a bird no more.
Lil crack whore don't wanna score no more.
Lil crack whore don't wanna whore no more.
But who's gonna open her door and do her chores?
Now that she's cleaned up she's ready to explore.
Even though she's become a tremendous bore.
Even though she's hiding dark secrets deep in her core.
Even though she's nothing like she was before.
But this lil missy just won't be ignored.
Now she's the woman you've been searching for.
Spending all her drug money she went from rich to poor.
Spending all my money, she's not welcome here anymore.
Spending her days and nights going door to door.
But now that she's changed, she's brand new and more!
Now she's telling stories of her pain and lore.
Oh former crack whore, be that no more.
Oh former street vendor, we know you have more in store.
Oh former change scraper, we love you, in spite of your former gore.

Untitled

You're gonna be a success if you don't let yourself get depressed. You say you want nothing but the best, I can't expect anything less for myself or the rest. The rest of my crew know what they want and what they gotta do, to make it through. Not just for themselves but that goes for you and you and put me in there too!

Today and tomorrow might be filled up with sorrow, but don't forget that the next day might be borrowed. Borrowed time, but it could be what you need don't be fooled and deceived. Take a chance and advance. And ask yourself, "Will this make me a better man?"

Magnetic Flashing Lights

Those lights, those flashing blinking lights, that I see in the twilight. They attract me like a lost boat to a lighthouse. I still know where my home is, even with my eyes closed. But the almost magnetic force of those flashing blinking lights pulls me in like I am made out of metal. The lighthouse like bulbs are the magnet and I am the boat made out of steel. One would think that I, being made out of steel, would be strong enough to resist. But alas, I have become a machine operated by the magnetic flashing lights.
I sail fast but steady, straight towards the lights. I enter past them, and then pass the darkness, where all is now well lit. Then I come to another bit of darkness. It is a cloud of semi-darkness, where one can see dancing silhouetts, but not see colors clearly. There are other boats in this enveloping cloud of semi-darkness. They too were attracted to the magnetic flashing lights.
In this cloud of semi-darkness, all of us, are ships passing in the night. Some pass each other so swiftly. It seems as if they are near one another's respective side of national waters they dare not cross. Other ships behave as cunning and distasteful as a pirate ship would. The pirate ships try in vain to capture the other ships that refuse their advances. Yet at times, you find two, perhpas three ships that cross waters. They meet one another in what appears to be neutral waters.
Now, this isn't a frequent occurrence. However, the magnetic flashing lights are like a drug. Anyone who alters their mind with chemical substances knows that there are good highs, and there are bad highs. Perhaps that is why me and my other shipmates are so attracted to these lights. Simply the thought of the rush of gambling for the possibility of a good high, or a bad high, is quite exhilarating!

Fresh Fruit

Have I become so bitter, that I don't even know when I've hurt someone? Has the same bitterness made me hurt myself and I not realize it? Do I just live my life hurting myself and others? I'm in a dark wet cloud of confusion. Reality and surrealism for me have become one. The images in my head and in my reality are interchangeable. The sky is the Earth and the Earth is the sea. People and animals in the street seem to talk to me. The people I cross paths with in the open world communicate with me, but their lips do not move. It's almost as if they know, who I am, what I am. They want to help me it seems, but they dare not get too close. Perhaps the people sense my troubled soul and sense my warmth, but don't want to get too close for fear of being burned. Now I'm floating, in what seems to be space, an ocean, a cloud, my mind. All is the same, not all is bad, but not all is good. Maybe I'll plant myself somewhere. I've certainly spread enough seeds to bear enough fruit to feed an army. Maybe rooting myself somewhere will keep me from hurting myself, and hurting others. Maybe I can become regal and beautiful and bear sweet delicious fruit for all who want to partake of it. I hope that the fruit I produce will not be bitter. I've certainly left enough rotted and over ripened fruit in this life for 10 life times.